I’ve had several elderly people share with me over the past few years that getting old is like “becoming invisible.” Of course, this requires a bit of explanation, as that comment by itself could be misconstrued in myriad ways. So, let me share their perspective and my subsequent thoughts. One side comment worth noting here: I think this issue is especially amplified in the United States due to its citizens’ incessant desire for freedom, new and exciting experiences, and seeking the so-called “American Dream” (I wrote a blog on this topic years ago worth reading, titled, The American Dream Is a Trap, which can be found in the first chapter of Diary of a Journeyman Volume 1).
In our fast-paced, no-time-to-look-behind-us-only-ahead culture, we habitually leave the “slower” individuals in our lives behind. I picture three members of a family running a race: one toddler, one parent, and one grandparent. If the parent is too busy chasing the American Dream, they do what most parents do and shuffle their kids off to daycare, relatives, or whoever else might be willing to look after their child while they’re working. The good news is that since most children typically live with their parents, the child isn’t left too far behind, so they are far from being invisible. However, the same cannot be said for the grandparent.
In America, the elderly have, in many ways, “become invisible.” In the race analogy, they are perceived by those who ought to be looking after them as too weak and too slow to “keep up”. They have been disenfranchised. In the case of the family, since most parents are already stretched thin running from work to daycare and such, the grandparents are left behind.
According to Holy Scripture, the greater tragedy is not the emotional abandonment the elderly are feeling, but rather the lack of wisdom being handed down through the generations. Repeat that to yourself.
The greatest question of all is “Why?”. Who’s behind this hijacking of Biblical wisdom being shared? The short answer is Satan and the kingdom of darkness, which promotes today’s anti-Biblical culture, especially in the family, where power is given to the middle-third of life. The Bible teaches us something different.
The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their gray hair.
– Proverbs 20:29
Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life. Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.
– Proverbs 16:31-32
A grandparent can’t do their job if their own grown children are too busy for them, never reach out to check in, and never invite them to spend time with the family. Today’s culture views the older parents as either babysitters or banks, but hardly wellsprings of knowledge and wisdom. In fact, today’s culture tends to write off their ideas and experiences as outdated and therefore irrelevant to the current needs of the contemporary family structure. Often, their wisdom is shunned, earning them a “time out” as if they were a child again. They are not seen rightly as the matriarchs and patriarchs of the family; rather, they are warned to keep the greatest thing they have to offer, their wisdom, to themselves.
Meanwhile, God’s eternal Word states that an elderly parent’s place in the family is to drive discipleship (this applies to church families, too). If you’re “running the last few laps” of your life, then know that you are most definitely not invisible. Never buy the lie that you have become less important – the truth is that you have become much more important, regardless of whether or not those around you (even family members) see it!
The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon. They are planted in the house of the LORD; they flourish in the courts of our God. They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, to declare that the LORD is upright; he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.
– Psalm 92:12-15
Did you know that a date palm tree can bear hundreds of pounds of fruit beyond the age of 150 years! This is how the Bible depicts the elderly – they are tremendous sources of fruit, not withered castaways. Satan knows this so he propagates a culture that teaches just the opposite. Just when we ought to be listening most closely to a person, we set them out to pasture and begin tuning them out, suggesting the same, even, to our impressionable children and possibly even their children. This behavior, in effect, hacks off the priceless stream of wisdom from families, which is why many Christian families are dysfunctional, incapable, and pumped up with anti-depressants. Satan wins when we decapitate a family of its head of wisdom.
You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
– Deuteronomy 6:5-9
According to the Bible, every aspect of life (every leg of the “race that is set before us”) is an opportunity to “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). We call this “discipleship” or “making disciples”, which is something Jesus, Himself, commands us to do as part of The Great Commission, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19a). Discipleship is not something to be categorized into some bucket that fits a busy schedule – it is to be infused into every aspect of our lives, especially in our families, which includes children, parents, and grandparents, where the latter possess the greater ability.
“Now this is the commandment—the statutes and the rules—that the LORD your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, that you may fear the LORD your God, you and your son and your son’s son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long.
– Deuteronomy 6:1-2
Here we have “and your son’s son” (v2), signifying the role of a grandparent in a godly family. This implies, of course, that said “grandparent” possesses Biblical wisdom (that’s another topic altogether). A grandparent’s role is to share their wisdom with their families to continue the cycle that God has designed to bring glory to Him through the family. To cut off the head of wisdom is to severely injure what God has designed for good. This principle was so important to God’s people, Israel, that the punishment for not honoring your father and mother was death!
For God commanded, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’
– Matthew 15:4
That’s strong language, huh? You bet. I’m just glad we’re not under the Old Testament Law…how about you?
Listen, the point of this blog is simple. God designed old age to be a place of honor and respect, but not just for the sake of caring for our elderly; rather, for appreciating that they have the most to offer when it comes to wisdom! Why would we choose to eat less ripe fruit, given the option?
The Bible uses the family structure to reveal God’s divine design for discipleship because it’s the area of life where the opportunity is greatest and the potential of imparting true, godly wisdom to others is maximized. And for the record, every elderly person who’s shared that they feel like they’re becoming invisible loves their children and grandchildren, wishing nothing more than to impart wisdom to them all. Not surprisingly, that’s how God designed it!
Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.
– Proverbs 17:6
If you have a godly Christian family, where the elderly possess wisdom that only years of being disciples of God’s Word has provided, then you ought to thank God for His grace in your life. Do not dismiss them or bark at them when they try to guide you. That’s God’s hand in your life. Learn to recognize your blessings, starting with those at the head of your family. Let this be the culture in your home.
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled.
– Titus 2:3-6
If you’re elderly, then do not accept invisibility as your lot in life. Do as the Bible instructs you, stand up for godliness, Truth, and wisdom, especially in your family. If you’re despised for it by some because of their own present failures, then so be it – the Lord will deal with them. You are not invisible; you are the bearer of great fruit. Own it, “[pressing] on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:14). Pray for wisdom to pervade your family, starting with yourself, for when it does, God promises even greater compound fruit-bearing for generations to come!
Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children.
– Deuteronomy 4:9
You are not invisible. That’s a ruse perpetrated by Satan and the kingdom of darkness. If you have Biblical wisdom, consider yourself a grace gift to your family and the Body of Christ (e.g., in your church). The truth is that you, my friend, are leading the race by several laps, as you have been running for many years, long before those who may choose to dismiss you were even born.
Love in Christ,
Ed Collins