I’m a bona fide nerd. It’s OK if you chuckled just then; I’m not offended. However, because I’m a nerd, I often use my nerdy experiences as a source for my analogies in these blogs. You have my sympathy.
For example, the title of this blog has two variables that may be simplified to the binary expressions, “yes” or “no”. In other words, a person may be available (yes or no) and a person may be present (yes or no). Fair enough? Good. Now for the fun part. An easy way to analyze the different combinations of these two variables is to create a 3 x 3 box with labels for each column and row, as follows:
| Present | Not Present | |
| Available | Available, Present | Available, Not Present |
| Not Available | Not Available, Present | Not Available, Not Present |
See, don’t you feel better now that you’ve learned a little computer engineering logic? I remember designing computer chip logic in college with many variables that demanded massive tables. To me and my buddies, it was fun, but I digress…let’s get back to the point of this blog.
Let’s analyze our data now and consider our four potential outcomes. Let’s also establish some context so our results make sense: to “be available”, someone must be physically accessible (whether in-person or through some form of technology); to “be present”, someone’s mind and emotions must be fully engaged in the “here and now”. Let’s also assume the two people in this blog love one another (not necessarily romantically).
Available, Present:
This is the best scenario of all. We thirst for both, and whenever we can be available and present for one another, the best memories are made because love is expressed to the maximum. As such, we ought to set aside real time for others by leaving room in our busy schedules to accommodate it. And once together, we ought to ensure our hearts and minds are clear from distractions so that our time together is most fruitful.
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
– Romans 12:10
Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.
– Romans 13:8
Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.
– 1 John 3:18
Available, Not Present:
One might argue that in some ways, this has the potential of being the most uncomfortable scenario of all. Since true love prioritizes others, the message here may be received as, “I prioritize other things over you.” We must be extra careful when it comes to the more impressionable folks in our lives, like children, for they don’t always understand the nuances behind distraction. Distraction is a choice in most cases.
When we’re with others, we are to let our love shine to warm their souls while we have the opportunity.
In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.
– Matthew 5:16
Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
– Matthew 6:34
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
– Philippians 4:8
Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.”
But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”
– Luke 10:38-42
Not Available, Present:
This is a bit of a head-scratcher, but I’d argue it’s not as dire as it sounds. For example, if you need to be away from your loved ones for a while (work is often the case), then what’s to keep you from leaving a little note for reference while you’re away, or texting with updates during your journey, or even giving them a trustworthy promise of spending real time together when you return? These are all creative ways to still “be present” even when you’re not physically available. This scenario can be fun! Make the most of it!
Paul gives us great examples of being present while unavailable through his letters written from prison to the Philippians and the Colossians.
I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
It is right for me to feel this way about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. For God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.
– Philippians 1:3-11
For I want you to know how great a struggle I have for you and for those at Laodicea and for all who have not seen me face to face, that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God’s mystery, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I say this in order that no one may delude you with plausible arguments. For though I am absent in body, yet I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good order and the firmness of your faith in Christ.
– Colossians 2:1-5
Not Available, Not Present:
Sometimes life just flat-out gets in the way of expressing love the way we want to. As the old adage goes, distance makes the heart grow fonder. I think that saying was created before advanced communications technology existed, when connecting with others was much more limited by physical separation (e.g., being creatively present while unavailable was harder back then). I suppose the silver lining here is that our longing for another person is a reminder of our love for them.
We ought to find ways back to our loved ones as soon as possible, for the sake of intimacy.
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
– Hebrews 10:24-25
So that’s how you nerd out with Holy Scripture – ha! Seriously, the point of this blog is to encourage you to think about the various scenarios you might find yourself in. Loving others is such a wonderful blessing, but love needs a way to connect with others. Even in imperfect circumstances, love will find a way. If the Lord has shown us anything in this lifetime, it’s this very point (ref: John 15:13; 1 Corinthians 13; Hebrews 12:2).
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
– Colossians 3:12-16
Love in Christ,
Ed Collins