At the start of writing this blog, someone very dear to my heart was diagnosed with cancer. In my mind, I was handling it very well. I was emotionally stable and, seemingly, trusting God for both the purpose and outcome of the situation. My focus was on being strong and supportive, encouraging this person with scripture, such as:
Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
1 Peter 5:7 “..casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”
Soon after I received the news, I began experiencing chest pain. I was not worried, though, as I knew it was acid reflux. I have had it a few times in my life when I was deeply upset or conflicted. Odd, I thought, I did not feel upset or conflicted. One Sunday morning, my Pastor requested prayer from my church family for this dear person. Because of this, I had to talk about it and share details with several people- I ended up crying on the drive home and then for quite some time once there. During this emotional outburst, I realized two things- first, it was the only time I had allowed myself to cry since I received the news. See, I hate crying. It makes me feel weak. The problem, of course, with not allowing yourself to feel weak is that you must then attempt to handle life’s issues by your own strength. Of course we know that this is impossible, as it is only with God’s strength that life’s challenges can be met successfully. We only seek God for His strength, though, when we allow ourselves to admit our weakness, humbling ourselves to God’s plan and power. Humility, then, is the crux of the matter, it would seem. You know that verse we love in 1 Peter 5:7? Well, it takes on a much larger meaning when read in context, even going back just one verse.
1 Peter 5:6-7 “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”
When we humble ourselves, acknowledging our weakness, then turn to God for His strength, we are able to live in agreement with the Apostle Paul:
2 Corinthians 12:9-11 “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
The second thing I realized was that I was really, really mad at God. I did not see that coming, no wonder the reflux. See, this person is a close family member who has not been in my life for very long and I desperately want more time with them. Even understanding that this time could be limited, though, I truly believed that I was facing it objectively, but I was wrong. It is painful to realize that though you may know the truth, you are not living in it. Anyway, as I analyzed my recent behavior, the signs of my misplaced anger were clear. The biggest of them being that I had been praying and talking with God rather infrequently. Yup, I guess I was angry. I know, I know, that is ridiculous and completely unfair to Him, but there it is- me being weak. I should have, of course, been sharing in Job’s sentiments:
Job 1:21 “And he said, ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.’”
Job 2:1 “…Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?…”
Job shows us that the only way to find peace through the pain is to keep humble, embracing both our weakness and His strength. Then, continue to live in gratitude. For me, this meant thanking God for every day that I am blessed with this dear person, as well as for His perfect plan for our sanctification and His glorification.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
P.S. It turns out that there was no cancer, but, rather, an untreated infection. After weeks of antibiotics and rest, my family member is on the mend and I am so relieved. You may wonder, as we often do about suffering, why God would allow a such thing to happen. Why the misdiagnosis and “unnecessary” heartache? Though we do not have all the answers, He does share enough with us to bring peace to our hearts during these times of uncertainty.
James 1:2-4; 12 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.”
P.P.S. As I proofread, I realize that I went through a similar situation last year with my kitty, Mulligan (see blogs titled “Hope” and “Gratitude and Empathy”). Interesting how we need to go through things repeatedly, not only to reinforce previously learned lessons but also to learn new ones. It is a blessing and a comfort to be in the hands of the One who knows all and is all.
Romans 11:33-36 “Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! ‘For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?’ For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.”
Love in Christ,
Monica Ledford