Two unbelievers say, “We want to get married right away!”
You ask, “Why?”
With a quizzical look, they say, “Because, we’re so in love, of course!”
You press on, “What do you mean by ‘in love’?”
“Huh?” At this point, they both become visibly agitated.
“Exactly my point,” you say…
For the record, I’m not suggesting that this type of love isn’t ‘real’. I supposed my sentiments mirror Solomon’s, who didn’t begrudge natural marital love, when he wrote:
Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do. Let your garments be always white. Let not oil be lacking on your head. Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going.
-Ecclesiastes 9:7-10
Here’s the point I’m making: the kind of love that most people (all unbelievers) get married for doesn’t reflect the love that God has reserved for His children, nor does it fall into the same category as the love a believer in Christ may enjoy. This ‘godly love’ is very different than the love an unbeliever has, even at the height of their love for others (e.g., for their spouse or children). Jesus, Himself, made this distinction.
“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back.
And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.
And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount.
But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
-Luke 6:27-36
In v32, Jesus makes a critical point regarding godly love. He said, “even sinners love those who love them.” Dwell on that for a moment. What was Jesus conveying to His disciples? Why was He making a distinction between categories of love? I suppose for the same reason His Spirit has me making this very same distinction now!
Humans are born with limitations. Among the greatest is their natural inability to love like Jesus loved. Godly love is a grace gift given to believers only. Even then, we need to be sanctified to fully begin enjoying it. In a very real sense, we need to have our eyes opened to it because our natural tendency is to love from the flesh. As unbelievers, our love was subjective (it depended on others to function). As believers, our love is objective (it functions independently of others). It is this latter love that can be classified as ‘godly love’. In fact, we have many Biblical examples of God, Himself, expressing this love.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.
-Ephesians 1:3-6
For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
-Romans 5:6-8
This weakness that Paul wrote about in Romans 5:6 means that we were unable to love God because we were too sick to do so. In other words, as unbelievers, we were not in the sphere of godly love. It was impossible for us to love Him. Yet, in our natural weakness, God still loved us.
If humans were born in possession of pure, godly love there’d never be a single divorce. Case in point, consider how many times we adulterate on our betrothed Husband, Jesus Christ, and yet He never divorces us.
Let’s give this a little more thought. If, as unbelievers, we were unable to love the perfect, holy God of the Universe, what does this say about our ability to love imperfect human beings while in that condition? Might we say that in our fallen state our love is severely limited (compared to the love we have in Christ)?
Let’s go back to the opening dialogue for a moment now. What kind of love was being spoken of? What happens if when this couple gets married one of the spouses betrays the other? How would the injured spouse’s love be affected, given it is subjective (dependent)?
What does the Bible say about being “in love”? Well, that’s a really good question, isn’t it? Here’s some Holy Scripture to help clarify the answer:
Let all that you do be done in love.
-1 Corinthians 16:14
For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died.
-Romans 14:15
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
-Ephesians 3:14-19
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
-Ephesians 4:1-3
For I want you to know how great a struggle I have for you and for those at Laodicea and for all who have not seen me face to face, that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God’s mystery, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
-Colossians 2:1-3
Now may our God and Father himself, and our Lord Jesus, direct our way to you, and may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, as we do for you, so that he may establish your hearts blameless in holiness before our God and Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all his saints.
-1 Thessalonians 3:11-13
Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.
-Titus 2:2
And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments. Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.
-1 John 2:3-6
So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world.
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
We love because he first loved us.
If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.
-1 John 4:16-21
The above passages are by no means an exhaustive list of how the Bible describes being “in love”. Even so, I hope it’s abundantly clear that being in the sphere of human love is very different than being in the sphere of God’s love. Godly love is transcendent, allowing believers to remain “in love” even when facing their enemies! This is truly an incredible reality, huh? Let’s face it, prior to God graciously placing this love in your heart, there was no way you’d have ever loved others whom you previously would’ve considered as not “deserving” of it.
The world will say that possessing someone else’s love (e.g., to be loved by them) is the pinnacle of being “in love”; however, the Bible says that the pinnacle of love is abiding in the sphere of godly love, which is independent of any love we may or may not receive from others. The beautiful thing about godly love is that it truly is a gift to you, personally, from God, and no one can take it away or ruin it, even if they suddenly decide they really don’t love you anymore.
Being in love has nothing to do with others.
Love in Christ,
Ed Collins