Titus 2:3-5 “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”
You are married to a nice Christian man, you attend church regularly as a family, pray before eating your meals together, and even have inspirational Scripture-filled signs hanging on your walls. Your home is one that is filled with peace, no doubt. What happens, though, when it is not? What happens when, for example, your husband is neglecting to read his Bible, not showing you the godly love he is commanded to, is leaving you to be the sole disciplinarian of the children, etc.? What happens when you are doing “everything” you are supposed to and after encouraging, entreating, and even nagging, he refuses to change his ways? What is the solution when you are at your wits’ end, feeling completely hopeless and helpless?
The first step in solving any problem is realizing what the source of the problem truly is. In this case, the source of your problem is not your husband… it is you. Yes, YOU are the source of your own misery. You may be asking, “How can she say this?”. Well, it is because that is what God’s Word tells us.
First off, it is not your job to sanctify your husband, it is God’s and His alone. You are to be focused on your walk, not his.
Philippians 1:6 “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ”.
Philippians 2:12 “…work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,”
Second, you are not doing “everything” you are supposed to be doing.
1 Peter 3:1-2 “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
“Practice what you preach” is the phrase that comes to mind when reading this passage. For example, if I repeatedly lecture you regarding the importance of exercise in maintaining good health but never get off of my recliner to actually do it, I am a hypocrite. Likewise, if you repeatedly call out your husband’s disobedience to God’s Word, but continue to disobey the above command to you as the wife, you are a hypocrite.
James 1:22 “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.”
So, what exactly are you supposed to do in the day-to-day when the leader of your family is failing? You live exactly the way you do when he is succeeding.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
You are to be taking in God’s Word, praying, and living in gratitude for your life, including all of its comfortable and uncomfortable situations, every single day. Whether your family and friends are failing or succeeding, your level of contentment should remain the same. You might be thinking that this is easy to say but nearly impossible to put into practice. God says that His Word is applicable to all relationships and situations in life and unconditional contentment is quite possible; we are even given many examples of it in the Bible. God develops contentment in us as we grow in His Word as part of our sanctification.
Philippians 4:11-13 “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
If the status of those in your life causes you to lose contentment, then here is a verse for you to consider:
Luke 14:26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.”
Jesus commands us to love our families, so we know that He is not describing literal hate here, but rather hate in comparison to the love we have for Him. Our love for and focus on Jesus Christ should be so intense, so all-consuming that our contentment becomes independent from life’s ups and downs, including the people in it.
So, we know what we must do to strengthen our own walk with the Lord. What can we do, though, for our partner who has fallen down and is struggling to get back onto the righteous path? First off, as we discussed earlier, he knows he is failing, so stop bringing it up- aka stop nagging (1 Peter 3:1-2), keep focused on your own relationship with the Lord (Philippians 2:12), and keep praying for him (1 Thessalonians 5:17). In addition:
You must keep loving and forgiving him.
1 Peter 4:8 “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.”
You must be patient and walk in humility, so your home may be one of peace.
Ephesians 4:2-3 “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, being diligent to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
You must keep trusting in the Lord and His perfect plan, as He knows the reasons for every single situation in your life and in the lives of those around you.
Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.”
At the end of the day, we need to realize that our true happiness and contentment can NEVER be sustained by another imperfect human being, even and especially a spouse. God is the source of our peace, so it is imperative that we keep focused on Him and let our omnipotent God work out the rest.
Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
P.S. The home is our refuge from the world and you, as the wife/mother, are the “soft spot” for your family to land. It is a blessing to be an integral part of your family’s peace, strive to maintain it, as it brings glory to your God who loves you beyond measure and without end.
Love in Christ,
Monica Ledford