If fifteen years as a pastor has taught me one thing, it’s this:
Never compromise your integrity to Truth.
If the world takes issue with you, just remember one critical thing: it’s not you they have a problem with, it’s God. If someone says to you, “I don’t like you,” either with words from their mouth or with their actions, do not despair, for similar words were cast at Jesus and his disciples.
The Truth is not a popular stance to take.
“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.
If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.
Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours.
But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not have been guilty of sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. Whoever hates me hates my Father also.
– John 15:18-23
The human flesh hates God. If you stand firm in your faith in this world, know that this same flesh will express hatred towards you. It may not always come right out and say it, but it will reveal itself in due time, as it always does.
If someone takes issue with you, ask yourself one simple question before you assume they are in the right: “Am I dealing with someone who is filled with the Holy Spirit or am I dealing with this person’s flesh?” We are called to live in and respond to others in this world through the lens of God, always. “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world” (1 John 4:1).
A person who is functioning in their human flesh will always take issue with a person who’s functioning in integrity to God’s Word. The prior will often use strong language or actions to sway a person of integrity, but this is when we must rely on God’s Word to guide us.
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”
– 1 Corinthians 15:33
The human flesh will attempt to use whatever it can against you, including emotional manipulation. Let’s face it, most people desire to be liked and we all seek peaceful existences, that’s just human nature; however, peace mustn’t come at the price of compromise. If someone says they don’t like you, ask them why. Do not accept any fault just because someone has taken offense with you, especially if your good conscience remains intact. There’s a good chance you’re dealing with someone’s flesh.
We must never lower our standards to meet others in their flesh.
He also told them a parable: “Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher.
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye.
– Luke 6:39-42
As our Lord has taught us, there are “specks” and there are “logs”. A “speck” might be something as trivial as a misunderstanding between two people. A “log” is when a person is functioning in their flesh. For example, a person spun up in fleshly emotions who is on the attack has a “log” in their eye and needs to take a look in the mirror (how can they even see the so-called speck in the eye of another if the log in their own eye blocks their vision)? Don’t be afraid to turn the tables in such instances. Put your attackers and their accusations to the test (ala 1 John 4:1)!
For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world.
– 1 John 2:16
If you find yourself in the uncomfortable position of being at the receiving end of someone’s disappointment, anger, or wrath, my advice is simple: stop, take a deep breath, and discern whether you’re dealing with someone filled with the Holy Spirit whose motivation is to restore you in a spirit of gentleness (ala Galatians 6:1) or whether you’re dealing with that person’s flesh, which has apparently been pricked by you standing in Truth.
For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot.
– Romans 8:7
When someone takes issue with you, whatever you do, never compromise your faith in what is righteous before the Lord. “What fellowship has light with darkness” (2 Corinthians 6:14b)? Never lower your standards just because you’ve lost someone’s affections. If you do, you’ve opened yourself wide open to being manipulated by their flesh. Instead, do as Paul wrote:
We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.
– 2 Corinthians 10:5-6
This is such a powerful passage because it gives us the very guidance we need whenever we are face-to-face with someone’s flesh. It’s a tactic that we need to have engrained in us for our own protection.
Every thought, word, or deed we share with others ought to be filtered through the lens of God’s Word. In other words, there’s no room for compromise, no “making nice” with someone else’s flesh in order to “keep the peace.” We must remember that the human flesh hates God – that’s the issue, not you! At the risk of hearing those words, “I don’t like you,” we must call out the human flesh whenever we see it.
If a fleshly person has a problem with you, that’s on them, not you. Do not be deceived!
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.
You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”?
But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
– James 4:1-8
“I don’t like you,” is hard to hear, especially if it comes from those close to us. Remember to take a deep breath and, using the lens of Holy Scripture, ask yourself whether those words are coming from someone truly looking to edify you and, in turn, glorify God, or one who aims to tear you down to a level that makes you vulnerable to manipulation. The latter is exactly the objective of their flesh. The former is from a place of godly love.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
– Romans 12:2
Love in Christ,
Ed Collins