I had to spend some time with a person recently that, in all honesty, just rubs me the wrong way. This person spent the majority of our interaction attempting to assert themselves over me. It’s interesting that this type of person never seems to get the “hint” when I refuse to respond in kind. I don’t get together with folks for the wasteful exercise of comparing myself with them; although, I have to admit, people have consistently made a habit of approaching me that way. It’s really irritating, to be completely transparent. It’s true, I’ve had my fair share of success, by worldly standards, but if you know me, you know I don’t bring it up much, and if I do, it’s at the direct request of someone who I know isn’t doing so for the sake of comparison out of their own insecurities.
I gladly share my life lessons with humble people, but I despise the prospect of comparing notes to establish who among us is “superior”. It’s not out of fear of falling short; it’s that I find the entire process repulsive. Why? Because it’s completely fleshly, and the human flesh is truly the ugliest creature of all – I’d prefer not to deal with it.
So, to finish my story above, I had to spend some time with someone who wasn’t just irritating me, but was doing so aggressively, though passively (is there a yuckier kind of everyday aggression?). I recognized it from the moment we shook hands; so, thankfully, I just endured it, remained polite, and passed the test. However, since then I’ve been thinking about this person, whom I happen to know a fair amount about. While my own flesh continues to struggle with the memory of that day, my new creature has decided it’s best to pray for them (to love them).
Passive aggressiveness is a sign of insecurity. While the aggressor lacks the courage that produces forthrightness, they are nonetheless miserable enough with their current estate to try to drag others down. This thought alone makes me quite sad. Hence, the real need for prayer, as Jesus taught, “But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you”(Matthew 5:44). Frankly, this is often one of the most difficult things to do, but it pays dividends, not just for the miserable person, but in mitigating any misery this person has sown in you. After all, who am I, but a sinner myself, possibly sowing my own brand of misery in someone else?
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor.
For each will have to bear his own load. Let the one who is taught the word share all good things with the one who teaches. Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.
— Galatians 6:1-10
Whenever someone gets aggressive with me, passive or otherwise, my flesh’s hackles go up almost instantaneously and I’m tempted to battle it out. But, the lesson here is that if I allow that to happen, the enemy has won, for I have become no better than my opposition, making me a hypocrite.
So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander.
— 1 Peter 2:1
The temptation to react to aggression must be met with godly perspective if you ever hope to pass the test. In my personal experience, I’ve learned to actually expect to be attacked by those who are struggling, insecure, self-loathing, whether unbelievers or even believers. The more I understand the depravity of man, the more I am able to deflect said temptation to wrangle with it.
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.
Avoid such people.
— 2 Timothy 3:1-5
As Paul wrote, often the best strategy is to simply “avoid such people” (v5), which is what I’ve done with my recent aggressor. Simply continue to pray for them, as Jesus said, and leave the healing up to God. It’s certainly easier said than done, though, as sometimes we are forced into situations where we can’t really avoid them wholly (e.g., family get-togethers, work, impromptu gatherings). By all means remain humble, for this is where your deliverance lies always. Don’t give the devil the satisfaction of tripping you up.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.
— 1 Peter 5:6-9
Be encouraged. You are not alone. A “roaring lion” (v8) on the prowl is the picture of aggression. With faith, you can resist him, just like other believers intent on passing the test. Do not join in your aggressor’s folly, no matter how tempting it might be to stand up and be counted in this world. Remember, you are not measured by world standards, so simply transcend your aggressors. Allow Paul’s attitude towards his aggressors to inspire you.
But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted.
It is the Lord who judges me.
— 1 Corinthians 4:3-4
Handling aggression can be difficult, but it’s actually simple. Just remember who the weaker vessel is and love them enough to pray for them. God’s got your back.
Love in Christ,
Ed Collins