Our world is obsessed with romance, which often comes and goes, seemingly, in an instant. Seen a rom-com movie lately? Hollywood’s depiction of relationships is an emaciated shadow of true intimacy. Terms of endearment are used and abused as punchlines to sell tickets. Movie goers cry crocodile tears then thirty minutes later are eating a hot dog, unaffected by what seemed so devastating earlier.
My greatest love is reserved for my best friends. Jesus described this type of friendship to His sheep. While godly love is commanded, friendship is the expression of this special intimacy.
This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.
These things I command you, so that you will love one another.
– John 15:12-17
My best friends are indeed the loves of my life. These friends are motivated, dedicated, honest, noble, loyal, and so on. They are dependable, too. I know they will be there for me when I need them and they know I will be there for them when they need me (notice I didn’t say “if” because, inevitably, we all fall down).
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
– Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
A true friend will be honest with me, even when it hurts. They love me enough to tell me when I’m making bad decisions or thinking wrongly. Our friendship gives us mutual license to be fearless with each other, unconcerned about whether or not tough love will destroy us.
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
– Proverbs 18:24
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
– Proverbs 17:17
I’ve had many people in my life over the years who have said they love me and that we’d always be friends. Where are they today? Some of them have abandoned me and to this day cast aspersions at me, sometimes even publicly. Why? Well, it’s often because I have given them the truth and they don’t like it. In other words, I was a true friend, and they chose not to reciprocate. Instead, they exchanged me for the company of others who are willing to lie to them to gain their affections. This being the very definition of a dysfunctional relationship.
Have I then become your enemy by telling you the truth? They make much of you, but for no good purpose. [Selfish lovers] want to shut you out, that you may make much of them.
– Galatians 4:16-17
As I wrote in the blog, Just Give Me the Truth, I’ll Deal With It, healthy relationships are always based on truth. Lies are ruinous. Friends don’t lie to one another. In fact, a true friend wants to hear the bitter truth, for it is sweet to them.
Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. One who is full loathes honey, but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet.
– Proverbs 27:5-7
I’m so grateful for the friends I have in my life. The best ones have been incredibly loyal over the years, through good times and bad, and I love them dearly for it. I hope they feel the same about me.
Love in Christ,
Ed Collins