I grew up in a household with an alcoholic parent, as did my wife and so many other people I know. I speak this truth without a hint of wrongful motivation or judgement. I speak plainly because, as Jesus once said, “and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). To this day, drunkenness has a visceral effect on my wife and me because it draws us back to the times when we were children having to endure the awfulness of a parent dominated by the flesh. With that said, I believe that God ordains all situations for a reason; so, if we gather our thoughts about the evil things in this world, we can always see God working in us, somehow, for good (Romans 8:28).
One of the things children of alcoholics learn early on is to forgive. Without forgiveness, there’d be no hope for a relationship with those we love the most. Without forgiveness, all would be lost. As unsettling as it is to see someone we love drunk (and often mean-spirited), a deep, familial compassion extends to the one injuring us. As believers, we are reminded of the simple fact that we are all flawed from the start, so we mustn’t judge wrongly. We are commanded to “put on” (the Greek word, enduo, means to don like clothing) “compassionate hearts”, and so we do:
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
— Colossians 3:12-13
I was wrangling with a drunk person not so long ago and was accused of lacking compassion, refusing to make excuses for them. As I calmly sat there, filled with the Holy Spirit, I allowed this person to rail against my character. They yelled, spit, and pointed fingers at me. I just sat there and listened. My heart was breaking, not because any of the fiery darts were penetrating my soul, but rather that this person whom I love dearly was wallowing in misery. My knowledge of alcohol’s effect on people reduced the aggression to mere white noise, allowing me to see the root cause of the issue. This person needed to lean on Christ more than ever – that has been my prayer since that day.
Dealing with episodes like the one above leaves us contemplating lots of things. But in this case, it left me thinking about compassion. Here’s what I know to be true about compassion, based on Holy Scripture:
Compassion in the absence of integrity is a ruse.
In fact, every show of compassion from Jesus was grounded in integrity.
To meet with someone’s flesh with compromised integrity is to sacrifice any hope of godly compassion in that moment.
As you read the beautiful passage below, consider the compassion Jesus has for the adulteress. But don’t leave it there. Add to that His integrity to truth with allparties involved.
Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”
And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him.
Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”
— John 8:2-11
Did Jesus show compassion for the woman? Indeed, He did! But, did He say, “Since you’re being picked on by these bullies over here, I’m going to overlook the fact that you’re an adulteress?” Nope. He said, “from now on sin no more” (v11). What we see is a man who functioned compassionately without compromising His integrity. Furthermore, what about how Jesus dealt with the scribes and Pharisees? He could’ve skewered them a hundred different ways on the spot, but He didn’t. Instead, He offered them food for thought, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her” (v7). Imagine that, huh? Makes sense, considering He’s the same person who said, “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). The point is that Jesus always functioned compassionately and with integrity, simultaneously. Here’s another brief example of the same:
Afterward Jesus found [the man He healed] in the temple and said to him, “See, you are well! Sin no more, that nothing worse may happen to you.”
— John 5:14
This man was apparently a sinner to the point where he was physically debilitated. Instead of leaving him that way, though, Jesus showed compassion and mercy by healing him. He also said, “Sin no more.” Again, we see compassion and integrity to truth (this man needed to hear that he was indeed suffering because of his own sin). Jesus never accommodated human sensibilities.
Do you think the scribes and the Pharisees in John 8:3 would have ever admitted to Jesus’ compassion for them? They being fleshly, I think we know the answer. Likewise, do you think the fleshly people (e.g. the drunks) we have to deal with would ever admit that our absorbing their abuse is compassion, even if we remind them, “And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18)? Is quoting Holy Scripture in times of need too harsh? Are we lacking mercy when we give someone the one thing that’s able to deliver them?
Fleshly people prefer to define compassion in terms of compromise (e.g., the more someone compromises the more compassionate they are). The same trickery exists with those who like to define grace as all things accommodating to the human flesh (e.g. supposing God bends His own will to meet a person in the middle). When a person stands up for what is righteous and good, in opposition to ungodly definitions, with integrity to the Word of Truth, they must not grow weary. For the same One who showed us how compassion and integrity coexisted perfectly in Him, said:
Remember the word that I [Jesus] said to you: “A servant is not greater than his master.” If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours.
— John 15:20
One thing I’ve learned in the ministry, after a decade-plus as a full-time pastor, is that we who stand firm in Christ are often accused of lacking all kinds of things (not just compassion or grace) because we refuse to compromise our stance on truth. The attacks are always rooted in the same error and they are usually cast at us from fleshly people spun up in emotionalism. Drunks are a perfect example. The Apostle Paul, who wrote Ephesians 5:18, wrote this as well as:
I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls. If I love you more, am I to be loved less?
— 2 Corinthians 12:15
It takes a lot more love and compassion to stick around long enough to share godly wisdom with someone who’s reeling in their flesh than it does to simply walk away.
The end of all things is near; therefore, be of sound judgment and sober spirit for the purpose of prayer. Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.
— 1 Peter 4:7-8
My encouragement to you is this; if you look behind the curtain of human flesh, past the ferocious accusations, and you function with clarity and integrity, you will see the truth. Do not condemn another when this happens, for that is left up to them and the Lord. Never, ever compromise your integrity in order to meet someone’s flesh with some perverted notion of compassion. Is it compassionate to enable someone to live in sin or is it destructive? If it is destructive, how can it possibly be “compassionate”???
Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.
— 1 Corinthians 16:13
Compromise isn’t compassion. May it never be.
Love in Christ,
Ed Collins