“No” is just a harmless expression, a necessary convention in the English language. Its use is often avoided, but shouldn’t be, because people nowadays are hyper-triggered by not getting what they want. We need to flip the script.
I suppose our opposition to being told “no” begins at a very early age, doesn’t it? For example, if a baby insists on trying to eat something solid and the mother won’t allow it, what happens? The baby screams bloody murder until they wear themselves out and fall asleep. Obviously, a baby is incapable of making the right decision on personal diet, so a good mother will protect them.
When that same baby grows into a small child, they may, through curiosity, want to stick their finger in an outlet but instead get their hand slapped, given a stern “no”, and then dragged away kicking and screaming. Again, the mother is faithfully protecting them.
When that child grows into a teenager, their hormonal flesh may drive them towards unhealthy relationships with the opposite sex. So, when their parents say “no” to an after-prom party being thrown at a known undisciplined, liberal home, the teenager is enraged. They scream, “But my boyfriend is going to be there, you don’t understand, you’re just trying to ruin my life…I hate you!”
When this same teenager grows up to become an adult, do you suppose they magically change overnight? Do you think that a “light switch” gets flipped automatically in this person’s head causing them to think, “Oh, I get it, ‘no’ is often the very best form of protection there is, especially when it comes from someone who loves me enough to say it”? One would hope, but even adults need to learn.
“No” spells opportunity for something better.
Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
– Proverbs 27:5-6
The proverbist teaches us an invaluable lesson. Love willingly pushes through the threat of backlash and says “no” when it’s the right thing to do. Weak lovers are toxic. For example, a parent who gives in to a child’s every whim and fails to discipline them introduces a brat to the world who has extreme difficulty coping with life outside of the home. Few things are more damaging in the long run.
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
– Proverbs 22:15
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
– Proverbs 29:15
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
– Proverbs 22:6
We must remember that we are all children of God. He will say “no” quite often because we are dumb sheep and no one loves us more than He does. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).
And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.
– Hebrews 12:5-8
When God says “no” to His children, we can rightly (dare I say excitedly) rest on the fact that He has something better in store for us! In this sense, “no” spells opportunity, as in, “Lord, I may not understand what you’re up to right now, and you know how much I’ve been praying for a “yes” here, but I hear Your “no” loud and clear, so I’m going to place my trust in Your supreme wisdom and enjoy the contentment.”
Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand. What is desired in a man is steadfast love, and a poor man is better than a liar. The fear of the LORD leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm.
– Proverbs 19:20-23
Love in Christ,
Ed Collins