I am going to speak plainly about my (and others’) perception of my outward appearance growing up and how it affected me. I will also be sharing some rather private details with you. As I share my personal experiences, please know that I do so in humility, not arrogance. He has since humbled me in this area and I am grateful.
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
– Proverbs 31:30
I was a beautiful child: white-blond hair, big blue eyes, button nose, and I was also loving and sweet (sadly, these last two characteristics seemed to have been of lesser importance to most people). I was constantly told by family, friends, and strangers how pretty I was. Hearing and believing this over the years transformed something superficial into a source of strength, confidence, and (eventually) power. I grew up to be a lovely young woman with a pleasing figure and I learned how to dress to accentuate it. I spent much time gazing at myself in the mirror, appreciating my face and body, posing as if being photographed. I knew my best angles. That particular memory makes me sad and a bit disgusted.
My outward appearance garnered privilege of a sort. For example, people rarely said “no” to me (and I could usually change their minds if they did), strangers were always happy to help me, and males sought my attention. I loved it, for the most part. To make matters worse, I had serious “daddy issues” and yearned for both men’s approval and their affection. So, I learned how to be flirtatious and seductive in order to both capture their attention and obtain their affection.
Not surprisingly, I became sexually active at a young age. That sentence hurts me more than you could possibly imagine. Anyway, I was a confused, emotional young woman and, though I grew up in church, I served an idol whom I elevated above God, namely me. The unhealthy cycle, which started so early, unfortunately continued well into my adulthood where I left a string of dysfunctional, broken relationships, including divorce. These failed relationships were largely due to how so very broken I was. Thankfully, the Lord is faithful and has since made me whole and shown me what true beauty is:
“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”
– 1 Peter 3:3-4
As I age, I observe my physical beauty fading. At first, it was painful; now, it is freeing. I no longer concern myself with cultivating outward beauty as I understand it is fleeting and rather insignificant. Instead, I concern myself with pleasing the Lord, serving Him in righteousness, and being beautiful in His eyes. This is the beauty which has eternal value and the only one that truly matters.
“Likewise [also] women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works”
– 1 Timothy 2:9-10
To you lovely women reading this, spend your time and energy seeking Biblical beauty. We must learn that the Lord is the source of our strength, confidence, and power with the true “power” of a woman not being the most desirable one in the room but, rather, affecting those in her life with love. The world tells us we should be sexy and seduce; the Bible tells us we are to be gentle and submit. As they say, “Beauty is as beauty does”, and as the Bible says:
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
– Ephesians 2:10
In Him,
Monica Ledford